bessa r3m + portra 400

after work, i ride my bike downtown. i walk around and get my mind off of work/life/shitty people. i shoot a roll of film and listen to music. observing the city to my own track list. even though at this point it’s all familiar to me, i take it in. hoping to be changed by something or someone. lately, i’ve been inspired on how i don’t want to live my life: glued to my phone, too busy peering into someones perfect life to live my own. so here i am, further motivated to live my own life. to catalog it in writing and photographs. ones that will help me remember my good and bad days. i’m still learning the concept of a home. having my own, and being at peace when i’m here. it’s important for not only me, but for avery to have a place that can’t get taken away from us. i see so many people (even friends) fighting a constant battle with always having to be somewhere new. to prove how exciting their life, and masking running away from their real life under the trigger word, wanderlust. we’re meant to root.

the photographs below were taken with a bessa r3m, a mix of glass (zeiss 35/2 + nokton 40/1,4), with portra 400, developed and scanned at home.

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contax tix + fuji nexia 200

so, i won’t even get into the whole aps film being a few years too late to save film from the digital take over, blah blah blah… because you can find that all explained in detail elsewhere. i just get on these kicks of searching for weird shit on the internet and decided to try an aps camera out. i liked the idea of having a camera i could use and have the results converted to smaller 5×7 prints. which, happens to be where the totally irrelevant aps format shines. when i got these prints back, i was floored at the sharpness/lighting/tone accuracy of them. it gave me that feeling of going back in time and reliving the moments where i took the photos, some shit that only seeing your photos in print can do. obviously this contax tix (basically a contax t3 but for aps film) is the reason behind all of that and right now they’re still pretty cheap for what you get. i stocked up on about 12 rolls of 40 exposure fuji nexia 200 (the best aps film there is) and after getting this back, will probably buy a dozen or so more to keep me going for a few years. it’s a finite resource and i’ve accepted that this beautiful titanium mini-t3 will be a shelf ornament soon, but for now i’ll keep shooting it. development and print’s done by dwayne’s photo. prints scanned in on my epsom v600 at 1200 dpi.

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i know i’m just a memory

all of these were shot on a contax g1 / carl zeiss 45mm planar over the course of (i hate to say it) about five months. processed at home. negatives scanned with a nikon coolscan v ed. for whatever reason, the g1 kit didn’t feel right for me when i first started using it, so i put it away for awhile. these photos are so sharp for 35mm – and i see the hype around the lens now: it’s so sharp and versatile. typically a 45mm lens would be too ‘close’ for me, but it’s helped me work on composing shots a little differently. you’ve got to work a little harder to fit what you want in the frame, but i think i’m okay with that.

i’m still trying to find the direction i want to take this. it’s turning out harder than i expected to do anything but just post photos. i’m so jaded by seeing people try so hard, to ‘create content’. even in the film community, they obsess over instagram. i never wanted to put all this time and effort into photos that would be looked at for a quarter of a second, double tapped, and then never looked at again. fuck that, that isn’t me. i want to live my life and take photos of the people/places/things that make it worth remembering. i want to take better photos. i want to try new development methods, learn how to shoot long exposures without blowing the lights out so fucking bright, publish my photography in print on the walls of my favorite places, make a photo-book. i just want to keep learning. so for now, all that makes sense is to keep taking pictures.

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