every morning i wake up, i feel a little better in my space. i read this article about people who suffer from depression and this idea of an ‘impossible task’, it could be something super simple that you just avoid doing because it feels impossible. the writer talked about how she would have her friends come over and help her with the simplest tasks. stuff like doing laundry, going grocery shopping, sending a letter. shit that should be simple felt like such a burden. i felt that and i didn’t want to feel that way anymore. the last three years in my home have been rough, and i think that’s even an understatement. i got walled in with impossible tasks. half painted walls, finding reminders of shit i didn’t want to be reminded of, letters that weren’t meant for me to see. i would spend all day working from home and the second i was done, i would leave my house. spend time with avery, read at a bar, go out and take photos, see movies by myself. i wanted to do anything but he here because i felt surrounded by these impossible tasks at hand. making the decision to start processing my own film slowly made me want to be at home. putting in late nights to learn everything that a few months before felt like an impossible task was so rewarding. everything was full cycle and it felt like i was becoming a better photographer with every roll i’d shoot. a lot of people think it’s a pain in the ass to shoot film, and it is.

mom, thank you for helping me start over (and just being you).

dylan, you already know how much you’ve inspired me and i hope we continue to push each other to be better.

gabe, thank you for learning with me, all of the late nights in the lab, and enabling me to eat zekos at 2am on week nights.

and like that promise ring song, ‘things are just getting good’. so lets keep it going.

anyways, thanks for reading and here’s a playlist: memorytapes:five.

with the amount of time spent learning how to do all this film processing, trying to do things in the most efficient and correct ways, making mistakes, figuring out how to fix or compensate for those mistakes. i’ve learned to even more appreciate music. a lot of these are throwbacks of some of the first bands that got me into post-rock/ambient music, but they still resonate with me. so here’s memorytapes:two, hope you enjoy.

i’m going to try and use this to share music as well. so here is some stuff i’ve been into this week. obviously still pretty heavy on the emo jams. in other news: i’m starting to develop at home and am excited to focus my energy on photography again, without the end result being anything to do with social media. dylan and i have a few shows coming up and it makes me want to go out and take pictures and i love that feeling.