memorytapes:five

every morning i wake up, i feel a little better in my space. i read this article about people who suffer from depression and this idea of an ‘impossible task’, it could be something super simple that you just avoid doing because it feels impossible. the writer talked about how she would have her friends come over and help her with the simplest tasks. stuff like doing laundry, going grocery shopping, sending a letter. shit that should be simple felt like such a burden. i felt that and i didn’t want to feel that way anymore. the last three years in my home have been rough, and i think that’s even an understatement. i got walled in with impossible tasks. half painted walls, finding reminders of shit i didn’t want to be reminded of, letters that weren’t meant for me to see. i would spend all day working from home and the second i was done, i would leave my house. spend time with avery, read at a bar, go out and take photos, see movies by myself. i wanted to do anything but he here because i felt surrounded by these impossible tasks at hand. making the decision to start processing my own film slowly made me want to be at home. putting in late nights to learn everything that a few months before felt like an impossible task was so rewarding. everything was full cycle and it felt like i was becoming a better photographer with every roll i’d shoot. a lot of people think it’s a pain in the ass to shoot film, and it is.

mom, thank you for helping me start over (and just being you).

dylan, you already know how much you’ve inspired me and i hope we continue to push each other to be better.

gabe, thank you for learning with me, all of the late nights in the lab, and enabling me to eat zekos at 2am on week nights.

and like that promise ring song, ‘things are just getting good’. so lets keep it going.

anyways, thanks for reading and here’s a playlist: memorytapes:five.

2018-09-15-0038

One thought on “memorytapes:five

  1. You are very fortunate you can Express yourself. My son, Ragen was very expressive as you can read in his cards I have kept. You have disappointments in life, it’s part of the journey called “life.” Over the years there are more good days than bad plus the “special days” stand out. Your Mother has been a very important factor of whom I admire greatly. We both had different paths in raising our sons but our children were our reason for being responsible parents and showed us the meaning of “true love” as now you, being a parent are have the privilege to experience. Some adults are beyond their years in knowledge, you are one of those. Tolerating does not come easy, but something with love involved, we have no choice. Proud to be blessed to call you, “Grandson.”

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