when i think back on the last month and a half, i can’t seem to remember one particular thing. it’s been a consistent rush of feelings: anger about not being able to see my daughter as consistently as she’s used to, being scared for my girlfriend’s well-being who was still in new york when things started getting really bad, sadness over the strained relationships with all of my grandparents and their safety during this, anxiety over the security of my job that i’ve been at for not even three months, and even feeling like a selfish jerk for having anxiety over that when so many of my friends (and even family) have been furloughed or laid off from their jobs. usually, it’s easy for me to look back over my last few rolls of film and remember all of the memories that accompany the images. the good and bad ones, but right now even though it’s hard to feel how those memories felt, i see the happiness in my daughters face, the genuine smile on my face when i’m next to the girl i love, and the hope that my newly married friends have for their future together. these were all taken over the last two months from a variety of cameras: bessa r3m, olympus mju, fuji gas645 on a bunch of different film stocks.
if anyone wants or needs to talk, i’m here. just shoot me an e-mail: ryan at thelendingside (dot) com. stay well (and stay home).